First Prize
Jonathon Baldajos 7W2S
Walking out through the back door, heading to my space where no body is allowed to enter, my garden looks like a shipyard where I lost the count of so many vessels of different types. Among all of them was my favourite to draw. It was my imaginary one ‘The Pirate Ship’.’
Second prize
Jakob Lopusunski 9W1S
The Streets
I was roaming down the devastated streets. The pale white moon was glistening over my head. Sensing the melancholy of the people that share wastage and others that have no more wastage to share. The streets have never felt so peculiar and now I wonder; is that how they will stay?
Third Prize
Riyadh Azharul
The cave was bleak and the bats swayed mischievously overhead. The luminous eyes shone brightly, their hypnotic trance began to overwhelm the boy. The creature slowly revealed itself by creeping out from the darkness. The boy halted, however his body was shaking frantically, his jaw flew open, his eyes; twitching.
Well done boys!
Jonathon – love the dynamism in your story, beginning with a present participle- nice – we’re right with you from the start. Shipyard – great metaphor on many levels. You know how to set the tone and appeal to the imagination. When’s the novel? Can you post your Pirate Ship drawing?
Jakob – great atmosphere and sensitivity to the environment. Beautifully constructed, balanced middle sentence. Great rhetorical meditation on the future.
Riyadh – you’ve shown a real skill in building to a climax in only 50 words! Love the detail in your story: the mischievous bats, the glowing eyes and your awareness of the evocative power of describing movement in different forms.
In fact all of these passages could be developed into film scripts! How about it?
Michelle
Educational Researcher